Sunday, April 22, 2012
Werewolves and Cupcakes
Well to explain that, I must tell you a little about myself.
My name is Goldie (or at least that's what most people call me. My birth name is Christy but I feel "Goldie" is more me). Currently I am 38 years old, I am single (been married twice), I have no children save for my dog, I am a professional artist, I am spiritual but not religious, and I currently live with my BFF Sandra in a beautiful area of the East Mountains of Albuquerque, New Mexico!
I am a responsible adult and handle my business as a professional. This is what most of the world sees of me. But in reality I am a total kid at heart. I have a healthy (and sometimes bratty) inner child and I find silly joy in things that remind me of when I was young. Thus I love little toys, stuffed animals, My Little Ponies, stickers, unicorns...and cupcakes!
I can't really eat cupcakes anymore; my body simple rejects them. I just can no longer handle the processed flour, sugar, and fat in things like that. But I love seeing pictures of creative, pretty, and unique cupcakes and I tend to collect cute cupcake items where I can find them. I love the color pink (you can tell by my hair) so pink cupcakes just tickle me ^.^ I get all giddy and gleeful when I find little cupcake items and find pictures of unique cupcakes. Perhaps it is "bad" of me to enjoy the thought of a food item so much, but I don't look at it that way. I have NO desire to eat cupcakes, I only enjoy them for what they remind me of. And let's face it, cupcakes are cute :3 They are fun, bright, and colorful and can be decorated in so many ways! I love seeing how creative people can be with them. They have become a symbol of sorts for me of my childhood, and of the kid inside of me. That is why I love cupcakes :)
Now on the opposite end of my spectrum, deep in my Shadow lurks a beast. I have no idea when or where my fascination with werewolves began. I think it may have started when I was young and my father loved watching "monster" movies. Of course we kids loved watching them with him even though some of them terrified me. I was never interested in the Lon Chaney "Hollywood" werewolf. What got me was when I saw "The Howling" for the first time back in the early 80s. I wasn't frightened by these creatures, I was -thrilled-! Now I was always a wild child, loving nothing more than being barefoot and naked (or at least barefoot) out in my desert, playing in the dirt with the insects and lizards, endlessly fascinated by wildlife, rocks, trees, and the environment. We would go camping as a family all the time, to various places like Yellowstone and Yosemite, the Rocky Mountains and the Pacific Ocean, the Redwood forests, the high deserts, and Zion National Park was by back yard. My love for these places only grew over time, and inside I felt as wild as the places and animals I loved. So it should be no surprise that I gravitated to werewolves immediately. I wanted to have that ability, to be able to turn into a wild animal. But it was more than that. It was the romance of being "cursed", of hunting and killing, of living without regret, remorse, or fear. Of being powerful and predatory, of being the hunter instead of the hunted. Something deep inside of the darker places in me really yearned for that, longed for it, and in some ways became it.
Now I am a person of love and light. I always have been. But try as I might I never could quite suppress those beastly longings. So I began trying to turn my fascination with these dark creatures into something more positive. In my early twenties I was greatly inspired by the roleplaying game "Werewolf: The Apocalypse". In it you played a werewolf, but instead of a cursed, bloodthirsty killer you were the defender of Gaia, Mother Nature, protecting Her from the ravages of darkness and man's ignorance destruction. These werewolves were spiritual warriors, shamans who used the spirit world in their fight to protect the Earth. Oh boy, now -THAT- was a werewolf I could get behind! So I began drawing these werewolves, these Garou, often while the group was roleplaying, and in that I found my own artistic style, and my own way of being with that beast inside.
Yet my fascination with the cursed, beastial werewolf remains. It is my shadow self, my own inner darkness, but like the beast that it is I keep that side of myself contained. It is not who I choose to be, but I allow it to come out in my art once in awhile since that darkness needs expression as well.
Those are only a couple of aspects of who I am and the things I am interested in. I am also a clown, a shaman, a romantic, a businesswoman, a hippie, a lover, a hedonist, a rebel, a writer, a wolf, a bear, a fairytale princess, a cow/country girl, a goddess, and many other things. I am interested in writing, art, music, swimming, camping, hiking, traveling, gardening, chickens, dogs, horses, wildlife, wilderness, nature, humor, sarcasm, barefoot lifestyle, new age, shamanism, paganism, hippies, and many other things as well. I am not just any one thing, but the two symbols that best sum me up are werewolves, cupcakes...and probably chickens as well. Because chickens are the ultimate symbol (to me) of being a clown, ridiculousness, and being able to laugh at yourself. So three things. Yeah.
This is all who I am.
I will be keeping this blog as the more fluffy/happy/silly blog, and my other blog, Circle of Stones, as my blog for deeper thoughts and musings. Feel free to follow both, or not. I will post things whether anyone reads them because I -need- to write, and write I shall! Thanks for reading :)